Feeling Stuck

Lately, I’ve felt stuck.  I hate admitting that but I realize that, like when I was a child, spinning in circles would keep me in the same place, make me dizzy and cause me to land on my ass.  Sure, I thought I was moving but I was just wearing out the rug.

I’ll also admit that I’ve struggled with this a bit.  My usual go-tos weren’t working - working out, yoga, chanting, meditation...all of it was good but not doing the job.  Slipping into old unhealthy coping mechanisms (ice cream, anyone?) was also creeping in.  

This was not getting me anywhere other than Frustration Land.

Then as I was organizing a stack of books, I saw it - my old journal.  I had been using it in the days I was doing my Morning Pages from the book “The Artist Way” by Julia Cameron.  Cameron suggests starting your day journaling three pages - written, not typed - before you start your day.  It helps the mind clear and there can be some deep revelations in the practice when you just let the words flow.   No editing, no judgement.

I had been great about it but somehow the journal and my morning pages practice ended up in the pile of other books I had read, half read or meant to read.

Seeing it cause a bunch of feelings - kicking myself for letting it go, excitement to start it up again.  And then...terror.  

What was going to happen if I started writing in the mornings again?  What kind of things will I write?  What would I be dealing with?

It was weird - here was a tool to help me focus and release stuff on my mind and yet I was hesitating.  However, I also know that the only way to clear this up was to write.  See what happens.  

So the next morning, I woke up, grabbed a cup of tea and started writing.  At first, it was an apology to my journal that it ended up in a pile.  Then, a disappointment that I was wondering why it happened.  And those feelings.  I took a deep breath and kept going.  Editing is not an option.   And there it was - the thing I hadn’t thought of before about this disappointment. I was at the end of the three pages.  I could have kept going because, well, no one was going to see it so why not?  

But it was enough.  I got some thoughts out and learned something.   I had missed journaling.  And I didn’t just keep it to my morning pages.  I would write a page when I wanted to capture happiness.  Or a couple of paragraphs to encourage myself when I did something tough.  

Journaling is inexpensive - pen and a notebook if you like to write.  Or, you can even do it digitally now.  You can write as little or as much as you want.  No one has to see it.  You don’t even have to re-read it. You can journal anytime, day or night.  

It’s a great way to get thoughts out of your head, clear your mind and create insights.  Journaling is wonderful self-care.  So get to writing.