Trauma is Trauma

I saw Kevin Smith’s video about his mental health journey, including a stay at a treatment center. He speaks from the heart about what he has learned through this process. It has many gems. You can watch the video here on YouTube - Trauma is Trauma: A Mental Health Talk with Kevin Smith | PEOPLE.

His idea of “Trauma is Trauma” hit home. Smith speaks about how we’ve all had trauma and that trauma shapes our lives. The central nervous system (CNS) doesn’t know different levels of trauma, so when we experience trauma, the CNS reacts the same, no matter what it is. Smith also talked about how he downplayed his trauma because it wasn’t as bad as someone else’s. 

This sounded familiar.

I remember when I was in 3rd grade, I was bullied so bad my parents took me out of school and put me in another. I was bullied at my new school, but it wasn’t as bad. I barely raised my hand in school because I didn’t want to be mocked or made fun of. I buried my head in my books, had my close knit circle of friends, and just wanted to simply go to high school… where I was also bullied. It just never ended. And luckily, in college, the bulling finally ended. I was finally able to bloom.

I am grateful for my parents listening to me and helping me through all of this. But, until recently, I never really considered how this affected me.

I have consistently downplayed how this affected me.

Before therapy, I was a people pleaser because I wanted people to like me. I also hesitated to bring out my ideas to the world at work or somewhere else because me trying to be better or move forward. I was trying so hard to protect myself from more onslaught of “you suck, Mary.”

I didn’t realize how this past bullying had been affecting me until I performed as a Reverend at a local wedding.

While I was “suiting up” in my Reverend robe, buttoning the top buttons, I locked eyes with my third-grade bully. Her unexpressive face was right there, in front of me, and she still had that stare that felt like it stared right through you.  I had no idea she was related to the happy couple. And boom, I was right back at 8-year-old me. I was terrified. I managed to hold my composure and marry this lovely couple. As soon as we were done, I feigned another event and got the heck outta there.

We all have different stories like this. No one is less traumatic than the other. Trauma is trauma. And it may be affecting your life. Kevin Smith became a director because of his abuse - he was the one who would be in control.

I want to tell you I am sorry for whatever trauma you have experienced in your life, You’ve made it here so far, and you can keep going. It’s good to become more aware of yourself and what may be driving some behaviors. Check-in with a therapist or coach if you need to. It’s part of your overall self-care. It may be hard work but it is so worthwhile. (But get your tissues ready!)

Your journey is important. YOU are important. And you are never, ever alone. You deserve your best life. Be the magic.